I call it a Hummer
Hummer. Like Nothing Else on Earth. Thank God.
Hummer has started rolling out rugged, all-terrain laptops. Sadly, they have not yet started enabling mountaintops and desert landscapes with wireless connections, but I’m sure it’s only a matter of time. And, for those of you trendsetters in the audience, be it known that the monstrosities computers come in colors like Victory Red.
The Hummer Laptop* website, ostensibly a piece of marketing, is brilliant social satire. Either some copywriter at the marketing company is very disgruntled or is oblivious to an amazing degree. The Insights section (which appears to be a list of potential buyers) is, intentionally or not, the most spot-on commentary I’ve read for a while:
“Steve is upper middle class, and has a penchant for fine things … He enjoys fine wines, plays tennis and golf with a passion, and loves to get away with his wife to fine restaurants and enjoy down time in an otherwise very stressful life.”
In fact, everything in Steve’s life is fine, just fine. Perhaps you’d prefer to hear why a Young Republican college student really needs a Hummer Laptop:
“Candace is 19 and a sophomore at a prominent university, and lives on campus. She is a member of a sorority and has a 3.8 grade average, in pursuit of a Business Degree. She needed a laptop that could survive the treks across campus, and be able to be viewable outdoors, where she often does her best thinking and writing. And something that doesn’t look like everyone else’s laptop - black is so boring. Red is one of her school colors and she loves it besides!”
And, yes, folks, this is all real. There really is a Hummer Laptop, and the above blurbs are actually intended to help sell Hummer product.
Hell, while we’re at it, here’s Hummer for Men.
*Ponder, for just a moment, the hilarity of the phrase “Hummer Laptop.”